Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Suicide Prevention Month

We all know someone. Or know someone who knows someone.

I’ve often said I’m lucky. I’m lucky because when I hit my lowest point, I didn’t turn to suicide. I wanted to disappear, but my hope was that something magical would happen. I wanted a hole to open up in the earth — a place I could crawl into and hide until my brain rebooted itself. Essentially, I wanted a cocoon. A womb in the Earth. I didn’t want to cause hurt to anyone else, and I didn’t want to hurt myself. I just wanted to heal. My wish was that time would freeze so that no one would worry. I simply wanted to “get better,” silently, privately. I was desperate not to allow my pain to impact anyone else. I didn’t want to cause anyone to worry. It was nobody’s concern other than mine that I was definitely not OK.

For the record, everyone knew I wasn’t OK. Again, like I said, I was lucky.

I don’t know if my anxiety was overpowering my depression, or if my desire to people-please was what did it. But something saved me. And for that, I’m forever grateful. My family and friends are forever grateful.

This situation occurred well over a decade ago. I’ll be the first to admit I still have high points and low points, but I’ve never revisited that dark time, fortunately. I hope never to do so again.

I share this story because it’s important. No, I did not attempt suicide. I did, however, lose a best friend to suicide four years after I went through that time. I’ve known others, too. And for those I haven’t known, I’ve seen on television and heard about through the news. I have so many friends who have lost people. I have so many people in my life who I know have attempted to die by suicide, or whose brains have nearly convinced them to do so. I also know countless people who experienced thoughts similar to my own.

We are an army of your friends and family who need help — ongoing help. We need better resources, better medical options, and better help from the government.

We need idiots to quit blaming “mental illness” for so many other problems as a means to distract us from issues that are barely related. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2017, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in the United State. We lost over 47,000 people to suicide that year, more than twice the amount of people tragically lost to homicide. This is a crisis requiring immediate attention.

You are not alone.

Please hear me.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You are loved. You can ask for help. It’s going to be OK. This is just part of your story.

Photo by  Michael Fenton  on  Unsplash



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