Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Po-po-po-poker face, po-po-po-ker face

Po-po-po-poker face, po-po-po-ker face

(nah nah nah nah)

If I am to ever become a successful stand-up comedian, there are two key skills I need to seriously hone: patience and the ability to mask emotions. More specifically, I need to learn how to not express visually when I’m pissed.

Growing up, I had the ability to go blank when I was in trouble. Coincidentally, I would then get in trouble for using a blank expression. Maybe I’m compensating for all of that time now. If I’m even the slightest bit ticked off, it’s written all over my face.

This is bad when you’re onstage, alone, and holding a microphone. I now understand why some comedians heckle back. It is now a little clearer why some comics have chosen intentionally to have abrasive personas. It’s armor.

The stage had been my safe space until now. I could go into a zone, be playful, and create goofiness from nothing. I could quiet the voice in my head.

Tonight, I learned that is true when I have the rapt attention of an audience. If not, this desperate feeling ripples out to all my places whispering, “be better, try harder to captivate, be louder — ANYTHING is better than dismissal.”

Followed closely by, “Just stop doing this to yourself.”

I intend to expound further tomorrow, but in adhering to my personal commitment to blog today, I had to throw down something.

To be continued…

This post has been postponed until tomorrow because kid barf.

I’m technologically stunted.