Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Superb Owl Party.*

Wuddup.

So, there’s a big football game this weekend, and I know it’s between the Patriots and somebody. And we all hate the Patriots because of Gisele Bundchen. No. We hate the Patriots because they’re the Patriots.

OOH. It’s possible we hate the Patriots because of this spicy little article.

Unless they’re the Raiders, right? I live in Denver and get confused by which teams are more evil than others. The Cowboys? I don’t even know.

For real, though, I know it’s the Patriots and the not-Packers. The Packers lost, and that made several of my friends very sad. Is it the Steelers? I think it might be. Maybe? I get mad points for not looking this up on the Google.

(I googled. Sorry, Falcons.)

Here’s what is hysterical: While I don’t know who’s playing, I do know that Melissa McCarthy will be in a Kia commercial during the game, and she is hysterical. I love me some Melissa McCarthy.

https://youtu.be/8UxmNEXOSSg

Once upon a time, I actually did dedicate myself to watching the super bowl “for the commercials.” I did. I think it might have been the fucked up hamster Subway things that ended that run. HA! Nope. Ironically, the fucked up hamsters were actually from Kia. Way to learn from your mistakes!

Also, that one with Steven Tyler’s face made up totally of Skittles was the thing of nightmares. But that was just last year. See? I keep trying.

Terrifying. Skittles Steven came alive. So bad.

I think I liked the commercials better when there weren’t people out there trying to make them into shows for non-football people. Please stop that. Don’t turn your commercials into anything more than what they are— advertisements.

The commercials have become too commercialized. Oh my God. It’s true. You know it’s true.

Want to know who else figured that out? Those brilliant geniuses at the Westminster Dog Show, that’s who. They have their own Twitter account. I love it.

Also, I thought the Westminster Dog Show took place the same time as the football game. I realize now I was wrong. No matter.

Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older, but I’d gladly go to your Westminster Dog Show party over your Super Bowl party any day.

And there will be cats at the dog show this year. INSANITY.

I hardly need to mention the halftime show, but I will.

Rest in Peace, you amazing human. Cosmic mic drop.

That’s the bar that’s been set. Good luck, everyone else.

I’ll be celebrating the wide variety of dips that will be made based off what people found on Pinterest. YAY DIPS.

*Rachel Trignano totally gets credit for superb owl. She’s brilliant and I love her.

As-Salaam-Alaikum.

The 100.