If you could only rely on just one of those things for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
I would pick WebMD. Because it would tell me I’m dying and throw me into a panic and validate all the irrational fears I’d already been having.
But, that’s not an option for me now. Dammit.
Some time ago, I made a promise to my therapist that I would stop using WebMD. I was the person convinced I had contracted Zika, rabies, Hep C, leprosy, or anything else listed as a possible outcome for nasal congestion. I really was that guy.
It also caused some rather nasty anxiety attacks (not listed as a secondary diagnosis for nasal congestion by WebMD, I might add). So, my doctor told me I was no longer allowed to go there.
WebMD is not easy addiction to break, my friends.
My alternative, it appeared, was in hunting down natural home remedies.
The earthy hippies online know about my kind — We’re the anxious ones who have to settle for googling symptoms and adding “-WebMD” to the end. Because I’m typically pretty desperate to get healthy as fast as possible without actually having to visit a general physician, I will do whatever those websites tell me to do.
Translation: I try to control things that are out of my control. Can I get a high-five for my futile endeavors?! YES! YES I CAN!
And while I realize I just completely stereotyped natural remedy everything, know that I love you and your community. I continue to hold weak faith in you.
It’s not fun. It hardly ever tastes OK. It doesn’t offer quick results.
Earlier this afternoon, I spent five minutes massaging a lymph node on my neck, and then wore a heating pad like a neck brace, all the while drinking honey lavender tea and sucking on echinacea lozenges.
Also, I bought some sort of concoction that tastes like roots and dirt, with extra emphasis on the dirt part. I’ve been placing drops of it under my tongue every three-four hours. It supercedes vile. Have you ever burped dirt?
And I’ve had over 100 ounces of water today.
I do this all because the internet told me to; it gives me a slight sense of hope. Plus, evidently it’s better than going to WebMD and being convinced I’m dying.
Will I be likely doing something weird with garlic soon? Yes, probably.
Do I have no way to end this blog entry because I’m tired? Yes.
Do I feel I have to wrap it up because I have to pee for the zillionth time today? Also yes.
So, in closing, I wish you peace, love, and apple cider vinegar.