Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

I feel like I should write something.

I stayed home from work today. I had some kind of stomach bug (turns out, so did another girl from the cast who I saw last night). The morning was spent completely passed out, and the afternoon was spent watching random television shows and letting the couch eat me.

The couch is my sad place. I hate it and I love it at the same time. I feel safe on the couch, but it's where the worst of the negative thoughts seem to appear. Am I writing this from the couch? Yep, sure am.

My therapist can't see me for two weeks. I've spent years seeing this doctor, learning to apply tools to handle depression. They seem to just run away from my brain when it comes time to actually utilize the skills.

I don't know if I just tried to take on too much, too fast. I don't know if I'm missing people and parts of my life that used to seem to integral. I don't know if my fear of change has just hit its boiling point.

Or, it could be totally different. The anniversary of my friend Chris's death is right around the corner, and I'm missing him, and our friendship. I miss a lot of friends I used to spend hours talking to, laughing on the phone, chatting over coffee.

I'm lonely. I don't feel like I'd be a very good friend to anyone right now, because I'm so wrapped up in my own apathy. It's probably a good time to seek out a support group, go to church, and do things to get me invested in the moment. I need now moments.

I'm grateful today for fun socks, I'm happy for rest and a stomach feeling somewhat better. It was nice to have rehearsal cancelled tonight.

What it's like.

Short fuse.