Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Fear.

I write with the fear that I'll say something that I can't take back. I'm afraid I'll judge what I've written too harshly and wind up being eaten up with guilt, sadness, or failure. There are times I'm afraid I'll admit to a truth I haven't been able to face, and I don't know where that will take me. I'm afraid of  getting too excited about a writing project and fearing I won't be able to finish it. I'm afraid of getting too vulnerable with my writing, but at the same time, getting trapped in writing this kind of surface stuff that doesn't get me there, either. I'm afraid of taking myself way too seriously, and forgetting how to be funny on paper. I'm afraid of my self-edits ruining my chances of improv in writing.

In my life, I'm afraid of sloth. I'm afraid of not being able to take care of my family. I'm afraid of tight spaces and too many people. I'm afraid of unexplained violence. I'm afraid of my paranoia showing up unanounced and getting scared about pretty much anything while engaged in worst case scenario thinking. I'm afraid of not having a breakthrough with my anxiety, and reaching that point where I fall through an abyss and realizing that life isn't meant to be feared. I'm afraid I won't be able to shift my thinking from negative to positive. I'm afraid I won't be able to create the life I want to live, instead of the life I want to try and avoid.

I'm afraid of trusting the future and knowing there's a greatest good out there for me. I don't understand how I can have the highest of hopes for others, but can't seem to find the joy innate in my own. I'm afraid of developing a worldview for my daughter where I lead her to look for what's to be feared and wary of, instead of what to celebrate and love.

I fell off the map again.

Nearby.