Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews


During my meditation tonight, as I'm wont to do, I started wondering what my "radiant inner being" looked like. And while yeah, I get that spirit doesn't necessarily have a form, or need a form, I like to put shape to it. In the past, it's been a swan, it's been a wolf, but tonight, it was this bullfrog, sitting on a placid pond, beaming a smile out in the moonlight. That's a first. I couldn't even tell you the last time I saw a frog. But, it - more specifically, she was there. She was my passive observer.

A happy bullfrog. Sure.

I thought a lot about colors, too. I'm sure it has to do with the changing weather outside. Tomorrow is supposed to be about 20 degrees cooler than today, and you can already feel the cold front moving in. Because of this, and likely the fact that I registered my daughter for school this morning, my thoughts drifted to autumn colors. Mahogany, deep cherry, copper, dulled gold. I think there's a change in hair color about to happen, among other things. For me, the biggest change in the year occurs when summer moves into fall - it's my fresh start, rather than the new year according to the calendar, or when flowers bloom. This is the time I'm drawn to making life changes, slowing down, easing into more of who I am.

Today it was suggested to me that I return to school for theater, and I realized that's not what I want any more. I don't want to learn about theater, and characters, and performance. I want to focus my learning on rhetoric, and writing, and expressing myself on paper. It's kind of a cool realization. I've received a packet from one school already, although I think I have another packet coming, as well.

I always get pulled back to writing, and words, and the magic of dreams manifested in bookstores. In no other place can you surround yourself with goals attained than in that of a bookstore. I need to return to Tattered Cover soon. I like to think about books I want to write - what they'll smell like, what the covers will look like, what the inset will say about me and the story inside I've told. I want to be copywriting and be able to be looked up at a public library for something I've made.

The mantra for tonight was "so hum," which means "I am." I'm a storyteller and a writer. It's who I am at my core. The happy bullfrog agrees with me, despite supposedly only being an observer and one who stands unchanging as everything else around me is fluid.

It's kind of cool to know that silence is the same wherever you go. Regardless of the circumstances, the environment, or your behavior, the silence is always going to be there if you seek it.

I still want a tattoo. Tonight, it might have become that of an image of a frog with the word "Namaste" somehow woven around it. I want an art journal.

Oh! Tomorrow I go on a trip! I just realized that! It's a day trip, but whoa. That's exciting. Today's tedium  at work was stifling. Learning new things and changing mental channels is exhausting work. However, after my day at the office was done, I got to spend time with friends and unwind, which was everything I could have hoped.

As I wrap this up, tonight I give thanks for quietness and placidity, and the crisp wind that's blowing through my window. Tomorrow, cooler, out of my cubicle, it's going to be a good day. Sweet dreams.

Jazz, man.