Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Jazz, man.

I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.

-Donald Miller

Coincidentally, I'm listening to some St. Germain right now. Rediscovering jazz has been good for my soul. I was thinking tonight about relationships, and struggling with the idea that the relationships we have with people are there to serve as mirrors for how we see ourselves. These two things may seem unrelated, but they're not. Not tonight, not in my  mind.

If that is the case, I see myself in a lot of ways, and not all of them in ways I fully appreciate. I do think I've found God in me, and that I love myself exponentially more than I did, even just a year ago, but I would like to see myself sharing more, beyond where I've stood. I want to take that energy flow of giving and receiving and balance it some more in my life. It's all the same energy, just moving in one direction or another.

I decided earlier today that I want to learn how to play the soundtrack from Amelie. I need to watch that movie again, like, this weekend. That movie has shaped me in more ways than one. If you haven't seen the movie, I implore you to check it out. The music is magical, and the story is whimsy from one frame to the next. I love it.

Evidently, tonight is about music, and relationships, and love. More music is always a good thing. It's time for me to bring some more music into my world.