Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

I'm kickin' it off 'cuz I'm old school.

It's fun to wake up before 6:00 with that in your head.

It's totally normal, right? Right. Actually, back in high school, this was the song my debate partner and I listened to when we were trying to get ourselves pumped up before tournaments. Laugh if you must, but we took state in 1993. Yeah we did. God, she was brilliant. Sarah, if you ever stumble across this, know that I still think you're absolutely brilliant.

Today I'm supposed to get together with a friend, attend a skating party, and then work the dinner theatre tonight. Busy day Ooh! It's June 1st. I wonder what kind of chances that affords me of getting a check within the next two weeks. That would be nice.

So, a couple things: I really am curious why I can walk into an intimidating testing center and do great on some exams with no preparation, and, for that matter, excel at improv, yet the idea of having to memorize things ahead of time and study beforehand make me feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. Where does that come from? I can't really recall a moment when I decided to stop studying and just show up and take tests. Hell, had that been my experience in the first place, it likely would have had a different ending. I shoud look it up.

My Abilify is now out of my system. I feel a ton better, mostly because the twitches are all but completely gone, and my eyesight has improved tremendously. Thursday and Friday I was bouncing all over the place, and I blindly labeled it hypomania, when in reality I think it was just a good mood. It's frustrating to think that any particular mood I have could be translated into medical speak and tied to a diagnosis. I was happy. Period.

Thursday a lady fell down and I ran to help her. It made no sense to me that I was the only one who did it. I felt really good, knowing  I was able to do something to make her feel better (she bit it on the sidewalk in front of the Molly Brown house). I don't understand when people don't have that built-in switch that says when someone is hurt, you go right to them and see what you can do. I'm not saying the others around me were unhelpful, but there was no running. I'd want someone to run at me if I fell - maybe that's it.

I really want a shower. And I've sadly figured out that it makes more sense for me to blog in the morning, before sleeping pills and whatnot have been taken. Off to use stuff that makes my olfactory nerves happy and mentally prepare myself to put on roller skates later today. Last time I had them on I broke my nose on my husband's head, so we'll see how it goes. Think good thoughts.

Job Well Done.

Holy crap, kids.