Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be creepy fucking individuals.

I'm having a med crash tonight. Let's just start there.

When you go through medication changes, it's like breaking up with a boyfriend you like, but know it won't work out with, and when you start dating again (i.e. taking new medicine), you date a few assholes and somehow try to find a way to blame yourself for the fact that he's a jerk.

Abilify and I are not friends. I've been twitchy - not noticeably so, but tonight it's been absolutely awful. All day, really. But, I went out with a friend for karaoke at a good 'ole boys bar where the male to female ratio was about 5:1, so we got a lot more attention than usual.

I do funny. My friend does funny.

Oh, hey, sounds of a cat barfing in the background.

Anyway, creepy dude decides to tell us his girlfriend kicked him out tonight. Then offered to buy me a beer. Then offered to by my friend a beer. We both declined. I then got verbally pummeled with talks about artistry and music and Jackson Pollack and I have a few albums out and I'm a driller on oil rigs and WHAT THE HECK, dude.

And I'm twitching like Katharine Hepburn the whole time. I think he set off a panic attack. It exploded on impact when I got home shortly after ten. I took my medicine, halving the Abilify dosage, and then promptly freaked the hell out.

I am not OK with this. Normally I wouldn't be writing now, but I can't sleep and I'd rather have documentation than try to summarize all this to a doctor later. I took Xanax to slow down the rapid heart beating and near hyperventilating.

So, this drug stops immediately. Stupid three-day weekend leaves me with an ER visit if I can't get this under control. Willing your body to cooperate with an alien substance is an exercise in extreme futility. I think it's time to zone out with a bad movie and slow, even breaths.

By the way, I got approximately a zillion hits by my count on my blog yesterday. Kind of awesome. Thanks, guys, for giving a damn.

Blur.

Take it.