Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Simplicity.

I watched the most lovely movie this afternoon called The Decoy Bride. A good portion of my day was spent being angry and irritated, but watching the movie made all that float away. Additionally, my family indulged my mood today. My husband made breakfast for dinner and vacuumed upstairs, my daughter told me I was the best mother in the entire universe...

Yes.

There are so many decisions to be made. How do people settle on a project or an idea when there are so many of them out there, always bobbing around? I've overwhelmed myself this weekend by thinking about all the things I want to do, to try, to build, to cook, to accomplish, and paralyzed myself.

This was to be my fresh start day. I distinctly recall saying that last night on the phone. I guess it's not too late for today to still be the fresh start I was hoping for. I need to write down all the stuff I want to do and then prioritize. That's where I get gummy - in the prioritization.

Exercise. Dress nicely. Wear makeup. Do my hair a new way. Decide how I'm going to get my hair colored. Put on heels. Feel as cute as I know I am.

Paint the bedroom. Pick a color scheme. Buy new bedding. Decide on curtains or shades. Get a rug. Find a chandelier. Create an oasis. Turn the closet into something better.

Build storage. Make her room special. Rearrange furniture. Put up pictures. Paint her room.

New tile, new sink, new mirror, new towels, new flooring.

New door. Plant a garden. Build a fence.

Fix the cat furniture. Throw stuff away. Get rid of the computer area. Put away winter coats. Get wood flooring. Buy some hanging plants.

Re-do the kitchen floor. Paint the cabinets. Put up a backsplash. Install new countertops. Reorganize the cupboards. Clean out the fridge.

Meal plan. Prepare lunch the night before. Read to my daughter. Go outside. Take more pictures. Call old friends. Go see live music. Visit a museum. Send handwritten notes. Clean out my car. Organize my finances. Write a book. Write poetry. Go see a performance. Meditate. Clean more. Start a business. Sell this house. Buy a new house. Volunteer more.

This has been my brain. All weekend. I'm feeling less desperate now, but it still pains me to see my mind create this kind of messy pile of ideas and obligations and choices. I know, at their core, they're all just choices.

New day. New now. Today at church, Cynthia said, "You are wonderful simply because you exist." So, I'm gonna focus, or rather, not focus, on being wonderful for the rest of the evening.


Epic.

Still purging. Or surging.