Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Look, kids. Big Ben...Parliament.

My mood is lifting, which is nice to acknowledge. Today was the first day in over a week I didn't feel thoroughly under the weather, which was a fantastic change of pace. I'm sure that helped.

Muh. I'm not sure what to write about tonight. I spent some of my evening surfing around the web, looking for vacation rentals for the family. The plan, originally, was that my folks were going to come to Colorado and spend a weekend with us at a cabin somewhere in the mountains. My mom had sold me rather easily on the idea, emphasizing that she and my dad have never spent time with our daughter without my brother's family also around. This isn't to say I don't like being with my brother or his family, but it did sound appealing, giving Lily some one-on-one time with her grandparents.

Within 24 hours of this decision, I was called back and informed that my brother really wants to bring his family along for the trip, and we'll make it work, find a bigger place to rent, yadda yadda. This time, my mom is reminding me of how much fun Lily has with her cousins, and how it's nice that we all can get together, etc.

So, because there's little choice to be made here, I acquiesced. I'm bummed, though, I won't kid myself. And it's not because I HAVE to spend time with my brother, or my sister-in-law, or my nieces - that's not the point. I honestly cannot remember the last time we spent time with my parents without them, though.

It'd be one thing if I was footing the bill for the vacation, but there's no way. My brother's participation in this gathering ensures that we'll be quite comfortable, not to mention inundated with vegan fare.

We're not getting together for months, so I shouldn't be stressing about it.

My inner voice is now mocking me for leading the journal entry with a statement about how I was feeling better, followed by several paragraphs of bitching. It has a valid point.

You know what I would do with lots of money and time? I'd go to the Pacific Northwest. I'd check out Victoria, meander around Seattle, go on some boating tour and try to see some whales. And, because I feel like being completely honest, I'd do it by myself. There would be no agenda, I'd sleep in, disconnect from the internet and my phone, walk around a lot, spend some time idling in coffeehouses, maybe write a bit....man. I'd also treat myself some a ridiculously fancy meal, at least once. Years and years ago, I visited Deception Pass in Washington with an ex-boyfriend, and I loved it there. I would totally visit that place again, given the opportunity.

Give me an overcast, foggy, misty day at dusk, an empty beach, the sound of quiet waves rolling in. I'd wear one of those totally cliche fisherman's sweaters with the knitted cables in a creamy off-white color with a giant cowl and perfectly worn-in jeans, and hiking boots with thick socks. I'd have something hot to drink in a travel mug - silver metallic - likely coffee with a shot of Bailey's or something along those lines. There might be a gull or two flying overhead.

If anyone feels like handing that to me on a platter, run with that feeling. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Holy crackers.

Hoo boy.