Kat Atwell is a freelance writer, blogger & stage presence telling stories that deliver laughs, validation & community.

Mental Health | Wellness & Self Image | Experiential & Reviews

Epic.

I'm pretty sure that the reality show The Voice has taken an already overused word and beat it to death. Carson Daily has been the one wielding the sledgehammer. I do love that show.

Merriam-Webster says that the word 'epic' extends beyond the usual and ordinary. My life is in the process of making an enormous shift, one that requires an epic amount of faith. I'm having to relearn how to look for the best solution when all my brain wants to do is draw attention to the worst potential outcome. Even more importantly, I am building my inner self to be a power that expects and anticipates the best solution.

My emotional architecture is exquisite and detailed and set with such fine detail I can't even begin to put it into words.

Sidenote: If that sentence isn't the beginning of a poem meant for a slam, I don't know what is. I'll deal with that later.

It's like building a ship inside a bottle. It is taking so much time, and such a steady hand. Except, the bottle it's being built in feels opaque right now. I'm blindly trying to construct a faithful, confident me in the dark. I hate bats. I can't see in the dark. I'm trying, though.

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. -Aristotle Onassis

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy is when men are afraid of the light. -Plato

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. -Marianne Williamson

Another sidenote: There is a particular quote I can't seem to find that is resonating somewhere in the back of my brain. While Googling in an attempt to find it, I stumbled across this page. The irony is not lost on me.

It might have been the MLK quote, or the one by Leonardo da Vinci, or St Francis of Assisi. However, in hunting for the "right" quote, I did stumble upon this one:

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.  -Yann Martel

Consequently, I now need to read Life of Pi. That sums it up, I guess. I'm constructing the most elaborate, tiny ship ever in a bottle painted black. Once completed, I want to light a candle inside the ship and hope that the light is strong enough to burn off the fog.

As much as I want to torment myself about feeling desperate, I'm not going to. At least, not on here. Not tonight.

I'm grateful tonight for spreading a little love to random friends on Facebook. I'm grateful my daughter has a giving heart. I'm grateful for opportunities to be bold. I'm grateful for clarity and hot chocolate. 

Wong's Peak.

Simplicity.